


Here We Are Again

by edenbound



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Genderswitch, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-02
Updated: 2010-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:18:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenbound/pseuds/edenbound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's perfect, and it isn't, all at once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here We Are Again

She is Dean, and she isn't. She has the same grin and when she directs it as Castiel it makes him feel the same way as Dean always did. She touches him like Dean did, reckless and wanting, willing to take what she wants. She's strong like he was, and her body moves like his, with confidence and assurance: she's comfortable in her own skin the way he was. When he runs his hands over her body she responds like Dean did, vocal and eager and willing to guide him.

It feels different, of course it does. Driving deep into her, into the slick heat of her, it's good and wonderful and Castiel almost wants nothing else -- but it's not Dean. When she claws at him, possessive and wanting, that isn't like Dean. He never knew how to take what he wanted, never thought he deserved it. She's greedy and Castiel gives eagerly but oh, she isn't Dean.

He thought if he followed Dean's soul's path, if he guided it and protected it, he wouldn't be lonely. But even here, with this Dean, this female version of him, that's not enough. She loves him, she wants him, and in some ways she is so like Dean that it hurts, but she isn't Dean. He was naive to think she could be.

She holds him after, runs her fingers through his hair and kisses his forehead and his nose and then his lips, tender. "Are you alright?" she asks, and he wants to smile at her but it's all, all wrong. This isn't Dean.


End file.
